There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
