Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
