i need an iv and a liver transplant
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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