i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
