I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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