I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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