I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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