Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
