Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
