He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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