sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
