i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
