I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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