glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
