You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
