it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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