i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
