You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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