Please, let me fuck your mom
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
