You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
