So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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