Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize