i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
