she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
