I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
