You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Randomize
