then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
soo... how was my night?
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