fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
