what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
