i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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