so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
