hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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