There was a lot of him and a little penis
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
