So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
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i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
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I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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