idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
