Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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