This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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