After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
