Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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