you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize