I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
