please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Ketchup is God's man juice
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
