I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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