I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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