I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
your like the ambassador to my penis.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
