Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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