is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
