i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
