U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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