rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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