how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
birth control should be required to get into college
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
