I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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