he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
