there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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