I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He uses pillows to masturbate.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
