I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
