I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
