Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
