Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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