He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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