i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
