I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
