Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
