Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I can text with my tongue
no you cant smoke seaweed
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
