I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
