There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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