He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
