Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
