So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
